i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
