hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
