Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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