U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
