I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
