So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
