the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish you could order shots online.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
