the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm like, not good at living.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
