Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
