Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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