Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
