burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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