you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
my poor anus
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
