every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
