Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
