I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
