Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
