My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
