I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize