Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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