i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Boobs are out for the taking
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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