Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
