I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
