This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
