Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
