Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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