he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His nipple licking is glorious
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