I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize