awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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