This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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