When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
