I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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