I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
