We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
