This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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