Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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