Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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