Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
