I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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