I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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