Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it was like eating out sand paper
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
