well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
