Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
