My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
