If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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