Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
pop tarts are not kleenex
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
