she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
