my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
