I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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