Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
