My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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