you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
