Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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