whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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