Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
