I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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