I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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