just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
