Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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