Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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