She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
