i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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