I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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