11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
