I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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