what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Vodka?
Forever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
