I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
