Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
