i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
