I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
