We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
