so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
