...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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