Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
