So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
