for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize