I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
