the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
